Bartender/Equity Trader Drinks Customers Under Table . . .

My parents are really unhappy about the whole bartending thing.  I should have just lied to them.  I’m too goddamn honest.  Since working at the dive bar, I’ve starting saying goddamn a lot.  I have a bit of a complex about it, because I’m not sure I always use the word properly, but it still feels really good.  Like, amazing.  You should try it – just try it – think of something ridiculous and say goddamn.  Like, those pretzels were so goddamn good, I might just have another.  Or, in the negative sense, I just spilled the goddamn vodka all over the goddamn bar.  I love it.  It makes me feel like I’m in Arkansas or something. 

Anyway, I digress.  My parents think bartending is below me.  I kind of had a chip on my shoulder about that too (a goddamn chip), until I realized that I am not uncommon.  I mean, we’re in a recession.  Lots of people are taking jobs they never thought they would take (for examples that are far worse than bartending, tune in to some of the new goddamn reality TV shows).   

One of the first bartenders I worked with, Julia, used to be an equity trader for UBS.  We bonded a little because she used to wear a suit every day to work too.  Her job was more fun than mine though - she got to take clients out partying to encourage them to invest, which she said was good training for bartending since now she can drink most of the customers under the table.   

I asked her if she liked working here, and she pulled me aside to a place where the customers couldn’t hear us. 

“Honey, I’m from Long Island,” she said. “Before I worked here, I didn’t even know places like this existed.” 

She left her job at UBS when the recession hit and the bank offered voluntary layoffs.  She didn’t have to leave, but her heart wasn’t in it anymore.  “I mean, I can still make pretty good money day trading my portfolio,” she told me, “It’s enough to pay my rent, but I still need a steady cash flow.”  Right.  Okay. 

I wish I had a portfolio.  Goddamn it. 

I thought telling my parents about Julia would help, but I think it only made things worse. 

“That is so depressing,” my mom said.  “Bright young professional women and you’re wasting away at that bar.”

Wasting away/managing portfolio/solving issue of needing steady cash flow.  Oh, and learning to use goddamn it correctly in a sentence.